Everybody in every argument is seeking to protect themselves or keep themselves safe in some way because conflict naturally puts most people on edge.

So people who are defensive

• Are frightened to take responsibility for things
• Are feeling strong/uncomfortable feelings in that moment
• Are defending or protecting their feelings
• So deflect those feelings onto something or someone elses

By acting this way, Defensive people try to duck out of their part in the issue. If you are Defensive you want your partner to sort out the issue at hand but in truth, what you are doing is forcing them to take responsibility for your feelings about the issue. The argument might look like it's about The Laundry, but it's really about the meaning you have given to The Laundry and your feelings about it.

Every action begins with a feeling to bring it to life.